Loop, Swoop And Pull vs. Bunny Ears

I've always found freak injuries to be funny, but they're even better when they happen to guys who are paid to keep their bodies in superhuman shape like professional athletes. Sure, we all hurt ourselves doing something stupid from time to time. That's life. But when a professional baseball player hurts himself trying to tie his shoes, a difficult activity for a third grader, sure, but not an athlete, I lose it.

Sure enough, pitcher Ricky Nolasco of the Florida Marlins was bent over tying his shoes last week when he felt a sharp pain in his knee, an injury that turned out to be a torn meniscus.

"Obviously, it's the toughest thing I've ever dealt with on the baseball field," said Nolasco, who has won 13 or more games in each of the past three seasons. "Nobody understands what it's like until they actually deal with it. There's not much I can do now."

The injury was originally considered to be a possible season-ender, but Nolasco has made incredible strides in just nine days and may make his next start. I guess that's where the professional athlete advantage comes in. If you or I tore our meniscus tying our shoes, it would take way more than nine days to heal.

But still, come'on Ricky, loop, swoop and pull, it's not that hard! You're on my fantasy team, I need you!

Pogo Stick Back Flips = Certain Fall

Saw this on Tosh.0 the other day and had to pass it along. This guy somehow does eight or nine back flips on a pogo stick down his street before (spoiler alert!) taking an epic fall. He got right up and seems OK, but since the fall was epic and the feat was unbelievable on its own I think we can include it on Wile E.

Injury Oopsie!

We can only assume that Tim MacMahon of ESPN Dallas was trying to explain that rookie Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant was able to make sharp cuts while running at practice today, but MacMahon's actual story could have used a quick read-through. The actual text says that "Bryant ran and cut off his right foot for the first time since suffering the injury during a July 30 practice."

Chris Liss of Rotowire caught the error this morning, but it has yet to be corrected on ESPN's site.

Bryant is attempting to recover from a high-ankle sprain that has plagued him for much of training camp. He won't play in Sunday's game against the Houston Texans, but a return to action isn't far off since Bryant's foot is indeed still attached to his body.

Stingray Tail Impales 10-Year-Old

Touch tank aquariums around the globe may have to reconsider their stance on allowing human contact with stingrays. Quentin Tokar, 10, joins The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, on the list of people who have recently been seriously injured by the velvety sea creatures.

Tokar was on vacation in the Outer Banks with his family last week when a nearby fisherman caught a stingray. He tried to pull the animal's long, pointy tail off (I assume because it's inedible?) but the dagger went flying. It came to a stop, impaled in Tokar's chest, and hitting his liver.

Tokar estimates that the tail flew eight to ten feet through the air before nestling in his body. The five inch barb was almost entirely absorbed by his body.

"I don't really have words for what it felt like. I just pretty much started screaming, 'Get it outta me,'" he said.

Tokar was rushed to Johns Hopkins Children’s Center where the tail was removed. He is expected to make a full recovery.

Apparently a nurse happened to be on site at the pier and prevented Tokar from almost certain death. Irwin pulled the tail out of his body following his stingray encounter and quickly died from blood loss. Bystanders wanted to do the same for Tokar and while that would seem like a normal reaction, it is exactly the opposite of what you should do. The nurse ensured that Tokar didn't suffer Irwin's fate.

So if you ever get impaled by a stingray tail, don't pull it out. Seek professional help.

Chipper Is Out...Again

If I listed Mark Prior, Ken Griffey Jr., Jake Peavy, Carl Pavano, Chipper Jones and Kerry Wood together, I’ll bet the first thing that comes to your mind is that these guys are among the most injury prone baseball players in the world.

Some guys are just cursed. No matter how hard they train, how healthy they eat, and how careful they are, they get hurt year after year. Chipper could be the captain of the Al-Injury Prone team, and sure enough, he’s out for the season after tearing his ACL in Tuesday night’s game.

Jones also tore his ACL during his rookie season, and has missed 25 games or more in six of the last seven seasons, about to be seven of eight, excluding last year.

Obviously, he's very, very disappointed. I would almost describe it as numb," agent BB Abbott told the AP. "He knows this will be a big blow to the team. Obviously, he has been going very well recently and felt like he was really contributing to the team's success. This is real disappointing for him."

Hard to believe that Jones is that shocked by his most recent injury. At this point shouldn't he just expect it?

Man vs. Wild Star Hurt By Flying Camera

Even the most bad-ass among us can suffer freak injuries. Bear Grylls, of Discovery Channel's "Man Vs. Wild" has eaten snakes and animal eyeballs, drunk his own urine, climbed Mt Everest, and jumped out of more planes than he can count. But while filming a recent episode of MvW he was airlifted from a mountainside after injuring his leg.

Grylls was charging down a snowy mountain and had to use an ice pick to stop his momentum. However, his quick maneuver didn't stop the momentum of a camera which came crashing into his leg after barely missing his head. A report from Entertainment Weekly says that Grylls' cameraman was temporarily blinded by the snow and lost grip of his camera, causing the near-disaster.

The crew was taken to a hospital but no one was seriously injured, though you can be sure Grylls has some nasty bruising.

"It was a wake-up call," he added. "You've just got to get it right every time. You live with danger a lot and you can get blase, and just can't do that."

This guy has defied death and serious bodily harm more than anyone, and an inanimate object almost brought him to his end. I shudder to think what's going to happen to the poor souls who accompanied Bear on Fan vs. Wild, an episode that will air this fall.

Woman Smashes Stiletto Through Boyfriend's Eye

Well this is pretty nasty. A young woman and her boyfriend were enjoying a booze-filled night on the town until they started fighting. It culminated in the taxi ride home when Staci Hargreaves, 34, kicked her boyfriend, Gavin Taylor, 28, in the face with her stiletto. The heel went through Taylor's eye socket, fracturing it, and damaged a blood vessel in his brain.

Disgusting, right?

Judge Roger Hunt ruled that there was not a convincing case or enough evidence to prosecute Hargreaves partly because both Hargreaves and another male friend in the cab both claim that they were too drunk to remember anything that happened (can't remember, or don't want to?).

The trio spent the night drinking heavily in Huddersfield and the couple was reportedly arguing for much of the night. On their way home to Stalybridge, Cheshire, the dispute escalated and when Taylor turned around in the front seat to face her, Hargreaves planted her foot in his face.

Taylor spent a month in the hospital but has since made a 'remarkable' recovery.

I've always thought stilettos looked incredibly uncomfortable for the woman wearing them. Never considered that that pointy heal could end up impaling someone.